How Does It Feel To Be Adopted? – Kelley Marie

me-w-mom-and-dad
My Mom, Dad & I

BIO: My name is Kelley. I am a few short months away from being 30!  I am married and have three amazing kids. They are 10,7, and almost 3. About two years ago I left working in Pulmonary Critical Care to pursue being a stay at home mom. I realized while I loved helping people get better, and being my a families side to the end I missed my own family. We put all of our eggs in a basket and have never prayed harder. After leaving the hospital I scrolled across a grocery delivery company, I applied and here I am 1 year later! I delivered groceries part time for Shipt! I still get to help families and be in the car pick up line in time. God has truly blessed us. I love meeting fellow adoptees and was blessed to be able to during my public search. Family is everything for me. In free time I love to read and have a glass of wine. In the summer the beach is where you’ll find us all day! I am in Jacksonville, Fl and would love to connect to closer adoptees. If you’re nearby feel free to reach out!

 

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ADOPTED?

The age old question, right?

Wrong.

 I will be 30 years old in just a few short months. I can honestly say I’ve never been asked this question. Adoption is one of the most beautiful things I have ever been a part of. Adoption is raw, and it’s real for everyone involved. Adoption is the part of my life that makes me.

From the moment I was born in the month of February my life was something I’d eventually see as my never ending story.  This a story I will probably never be able to finish, or ever gain full closure of, it’s a fact I live with and hope to accept one day. Here is a small glimpse below.

We all know what adoption is.

We all view it differently.

I personally was raised to glorify it; it is a miracle in my house. I was born in the middle of an era of very private adoptions, and people told to hush, and keep it quiet. Private adoptions were just that, private. Like a key tossed out of a moving car, sure you can go back days later and look but its most likely long gone. I think growing up this is the hardest thing I dealt with.

I better tell you a little about me. My name is Kelley. I was born in Goshen/Elkhart, Indiana. My adoption was immediate, as fast as you could move they moved! I was brought home a few months after I was born. When I came home I met the three most influential people in my life, ever. I was held by Sam, Becky, and Kevin. I was passed from family member to another around a room, I met many people that day that all would eventually play a role in my life. Kevin, my brother was adopted a few years prior to me, we have an unspoken bond though you could never tell growing up!! My parents became my best friends, and the two most hardworking honest people I know today. Between Kevin and I, I was the curious one. I remember always asking around my birthday to see my adoption papers, all two of them. Every year they were pulled out as if something else was going to pop out in big green letters telling me where I came from. My birthdays became clockwork for me. Some years were much harder than others. As I grew into my teen years more questions and feelings came about. I never felt ashamed for asking to see those papers, like I said it was clockwork. Growing up my life was amazing, I had everything and more I could’ve ever asked for. I came from a Christian home, went to one of the best private schools in the city, we ate promptly at 6 o’clock every night together as a family. I lived an American dream. You’d think growing up like this why bother asking questions, I literally had it all. Except, I didn’t have it all. What so many of us take for granted, is a small piece of paper, a little extra info.

I yearned for a real birth certificate, to know my history, did I have more siblings, more family.

For years I was able to search on my own. I started when I was younger, I think when google came about, I started looking up old city newspapers. I hired a company that was a total rip off. I took years off in between searches to gather composure. Two years ago, I was having breakfast with my Mom & Dad, I was about to be 28 in a few days. I looked at them and told them I was ready to move on, I wanted to give it one last shot and I was done. Heading into my early thirties I knew I needed closure, whether it be between myself and my birthmother without knowing who she really was, or actually facing her. I no longer yearned for information, I wanted to move on. I have no idea what came over me this time, I truly think it was God telling me it was time for some answers. I waited all my life for this. I had come to all dead ends previously. I saw some lucky outcomes with adoptees finding family online. I gave it a shot. I couldn’t have ever done this without my family blessings. We did this together. My best friends and I.  Mom checked the email we set up, we each interviewed all over the USA. Countless journalists, and radio personalities shared our journey, local and national news outlets. It took a very short 44 days total, she emailed me.

Yet, looking back no one has ever asked me “How does it feel to be adopted?”.  So to me personally, to feel adopted is the most overwhelming feeling. I feel pain. I am pained that so much of me is hidden and buried in another life. I feel anger. I am angry with the states for so many cover-ups, and obstacles. I feel sadness. Sadness for the loss of memories with so many family members I wasn’t able to meet, or share this experience with. I feel happy. I am happy I have a family, loyalty and passion. Most of all the feeling I feel most is love. I know that in my life I am loved. I was loved enough by a woman who knew the life she couldn’t provide, someone else could. I am loved by my family. I was a miracle; my adoption is a miracle. My adoption is my wide open wounds, my healed scars, my heart, and my story. As you finish reading a part of my life, I hope that wherever you are in yours you find peace, and happiness.

I know that it may be hard for you to move on, and find the light at the end of a long dark tunnel. I never thought I would find mine. Little did I know I didn’t need to look. My light held me to a nurse almost 30 years ago.

How does it feel to be adopted?

I feel blessed beyond measure.

“Love is fragile. And we’re not always it’s best caretakers. We just muddle through and do the best we can. And hope this fragile thing survives against all odds.”

I am always looking to connect with other adoptees. You can find me on FB under Kelley Marie. I live in Florida now, and there are no local groups for adoptees. My hope one day is to start a localized group in my city, not only for adoptees but birthmothers.

Adult Adoptee

Kelley Marie

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