How Does It Feel To Be Adopted? – Pat Reuter

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BIO: My name is Pat Reuter and I manage a Mail Order business and help with our farming business. I love the farm and the open space and privacy of it and sharing it with my husband. I am a mother of 4 children and a grandmother of 8 grandchildren and love them so much.  I enjoy in my free time gardening, golfing, reading and knitting. I hope when I retire to volunteer for many organizations as my yearning has always been to help people in any way I can.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ADOPTED?

Hi my name is Pat; I’m 58 years old and I am adopted. I would consider myself one of the lucky ones. I had wonderful, loving adoptive parents. I was raised to be strong but mostly to love and respect others. I had this normal childhood but always wondered who I was. I yearned for my birth family and felt unsettled most of my life. My Dad offered many times to help me locate family but my Mom was always frightened and concerned about the subject. Somehow with this wonderful life I still felt empty at times.

I got married and had four wonderful children and life became so busy. I pushed all these thoughts to the back burner.  My son was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 25 and our lives turned upside down. It was off to Mayo Clinic to save his life. At every doctor visit with him I would be asked for medical history and I would say I was adopted. I realized for the first time in my life I hated the word adopted. It kept me from being the Mother I should have been as I felt like I was failing my son and I felt so much guilt. The second time he was diagnosed with another tumor I had 3 doctors ask me to find my birth family if I could for genetic purposes. Well I hired a private detective and the fear and anxious feelings just kept multiplying.

Well my birth mother was found and had died many years earlier and everything from there on was a dead end. My life has never been the same since. I had this awful emptiness and anger after that and all the things I hid for years came bubbling to the surface. I grieved a mother that I never met and wondered how she could not have loved me. I wanted for one time in my life to look like someone as it’s like you have no face or identity. It all seemed so wrong and at times I felt like I was losing my mind. For the first time I felt weak and confused and nowhere to turn to. I believe if my husband had not been there for me I don’t know where I would be today.  He always listened and tried so hard to understand but he just couldn’t because he isn’t adopted.

I then met my first adoptee on Facebook.

He was looking for a birth brother and I liked his page. I felt a spark coming back into my life and I joined adoptee groups and met so many people just like me. It filled me with purpose and strength again. Many of them sparked my thoughts with loving God again as I had lost my way with that also. I had a group of people for the first time that understood me.

I guess you could say my adoptee friends saved my life.

 This story has been hard for me but it’s time to be silent no more. I have felt through this new phase in my life even adoptees don’t always understand. I believe there is much bitterness from some for the lives they have lived and I feel guilt and compassion for that as I did have good adoptive parents.  I have purpose now but still resent that I don’t have medical history for myself, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren someday. I will no longer let this tear me down and am ready to stand up and ask for our Civil and Constitutional RIGHT to our Original Birth Certificates. My future is to pursue committees and groups to strive for our rights that we are not allowed.

I want and deserve the respect to know who I am.

Pat Reuter

Adult Adoptee

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